'You can only do a funeral once, and you have to do it right': The story behind RIP.ie (2024)

end of life matters

We speak to one of the siblings behind the death notice website.

12.05am, 10 Jun 2017

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'You can only do a funeral once, and you have to do it right': The story behind RIP.ie (1) Shutterstock / Sementer Shutterstock / Sementer / Sementer

‘SHUSH, THE DEATH notices are on!’

It’s something we’ve all been told – or said ourselves – at some point when the presenter on our local radio station begins reading out a list of the recently deceased from the area.

We’ve all cast a cursory glance over them in the back of a local paper, or received the call from a mother or father inquiring if we’ve heard that so-and-so in No 123 had passed away.

Nowadays, it can be automatically emailed to you.

The significance of funerals in Ireland means that the Irish have a unique fascination with death notices – and the decline of traditional media and the waning influence of religion doesn’t seem to have affected that.

This is evident in the success of RIP.ie, an ‘end of life matters’ website that has become something of an institution in Ireland, and is dedicated to publishing death notices from across the country.

A loved one passes away, the family – usually through the funeral director – can publish details online, including when and where the funeral will take place.

Although being made quick and easy, the process is still treated sensitively and with care.

'You can only do a funeral once, and you have to do it right': The story behind RIP.ie (2)

“The funeral is such an important thing in Ireland,” RIP.ie founder Jay Coleman told TheJournal.ie.

We really celebrate the life of the person who died. The community gathers around at the time of the funeral, and the whole process is something we’ve all held close to our hearts.

Jay and his sister Dymphna, based in Dundalk, Co Louth,set up RIP.ie in 2005. Neither come from a tech background – one worked in an office and the other on a farm – but gave up their day jobs to pursue the idea.

The idea for the site grew out of the frustration the siblings felt after finding it difficult to get details online of funerals, or after missing funerals completely because of poor communication.

They set out to create a space that would not only inform the public of funerals, but that would allow them to “interact on a more personal level” with the death notice, Jay explained, “and in a way that didn’t preclude people who were living far away or abroad to feel more involved”.

Not a crowded space

The online death notice space wasn’t a crowded one back in the mid-noughties. Jay said he was curious as to why it hadn’t taken off properly before, given the important role they play in Irish society. A few websites were dabbling in the area, but most were haphazard, infrequently updated and scant on detail.

The Colemans saw the chance to gain a foothold if they avoided these mistakes. The pair also set out on the process of meeting as many funeral directors as they could across the country to get them onboard at an early stage.

There was plenty of apprehension from the industry, Jay explained, as the internet at the time was still in its relative infancy and associated with “some of the less savory aspects of society”.

Most funeral directors were also were quite traditional and set in their ways, unwilling to change their tried-and-test formula:

They have a phrase, ‘You can only do a funeral once’, and because of that, it had to be done right.

To really convince the funereal directors to put their trust in us, we were going to read every condolence notice prior to publication, as we still do today.

Obviously, when you’re dealing with a very sombre moment, they don’t want to be taking a chance with anything and were obviously very resistant at first. Now, they absolutely see the value in it.

Jay said the vast majority of notices submitted to the site are without issue, but occasionally one will appear that might need minor tweaking, such as language which although used earnestly may accidentally cause offence.

Convincing those organising funerals that these quality controls were in place was key to gaining their confidence.

This careful approach resulted in a handful of significant funeral directors getting on board with RIP.ie from the start and gave it momentum.

At the time, it may have seemed like a novelty to some, but now more than a decade on, user habits have shifted in favour of the Colemans – people are more likely to see the internet as the most reliable way to get information out there about a death, rather than relying on local radio or newspapers which people may not be paying as close attention to anymore.

'You can only do a funeral once, and you have to do it right': The story behind RIP.ie (3) zhu difeng / Shutterstock zhu difeng / Shutterstock / Shutterstock

Jay says both of these legacy mediums still serve a purpose – some people may not have access to the internet, and it is simply family tradition to have a notice on the radio or in the newspaper – but online notices serve another purpose again, as it provides a lasting record for families to check.
RIP.ie has now grown to be one of the top 100 sites in Ireland. According to figures provided by the Colemans, the site receives more than five million visitors a month, with most death notices being viewed at least 1,000 times, while others will receive multiples of that.

It has also gone beyond simply a noticeboard for deaths. Users can set up email alerts based on surname, town, county, and church, as well as posting a range of ‘family notices’, such as month’s minds, anniversaries and birthday memorials.

The future for the site, he said, lies in allowing those who knew the deceased to interact with the condolence notice in a way that makes them feel as involved as possible; there are plans to allow users to send flowers or make donations, for example.

A website of this scale – also with a payroll of four staff – doesn’t come cheap. Some kind of funding model is necessary.

As the question of money is a particularly ugly one when it comes to organising funerals, Jay and Dymphna were eager to not make this an issue for families.

Unlike traditional notices in newspapers and local radios, both of which can run into hundreds of euro, RIP.ie doesn’t charge for notices. Instead, funeral directors can pay for advertising around the death notices.

Occasionally a family billed after a funeral will notice a charge for RIP.ie, but Jay explained that this is an administrative fee charged by the funeral director themselves.

Jay stresses that the firm is dependent on the advertising which appears on the site to keep it up and running.

The company behind RIP.ie made a profit of almost €94,000, according to its most recently filed accounts for 2015.

Read: ‘If you thought about setting up a business too deeply, you mightn’t do it’ >

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'You can only do a funeral once, and you have to do it right': The story behind RIP.ie (2024)

FAQs

How much does RIP.ie cost? ›

This is a free service to bereaved families and all funeral directors in Ireland have secure access to the site for the purpose of publishing death notices for funerals which they are undertaking.

How long does a funeral have to be after death? ›

A funeral is typically held around one or two weeks after the death, though it may be longer if the funeral director only has certain days available or if there is an inquest into the death. You may wish for your loved one to be buried as soon as possible, depending on their religious beliefs.

Can you remove a condolence from RIP? ›

So if you make a mistake in your condolence message, don't worry, it can be edited and changed by RIP.ie before the funeral or any time afterwards. A message of condolence online does not replace the more traditional sympathy card and letter. It's not meant to.

How long do condolences stay on Rip? ›

Notices are published for up to 5 weeks in the Family Notice Section.

Do you have to pay for rip? ›

Rates. There is no charge to register a death that occurs in Ireland. Fees are charged for a copy of a death certificate. A certificate is issued for social welfare purposes at a reduced cost.

How much does rip get paid? ›

Cole Hauser as Rip Wheeler

Supporting cast members made $200,000 per episode at the start of Yellowstone, but Cole Hauser's salary has been bumped to $700,000 per episode for Season 5.

Can a body be viewed without embalming? ›

Most states do not have laws that require embalming before a public viewing or an open casket funeral, though most funeral homes will not allow a viewing if the body is not embalmed.

Why do you have to wait 3 days before cremation? ›

Why do you have to wait 3 days to cremate a body? In the United States, the law requires that a body must be held for three days before it can be cremated. This waiting period gives family and friends time to plan a funeral or memorial service.

How long will a body last if not embalmed? ›

3-5 days postmortem: as organs continue to decompose, bodily fluids leak from orifices; the skin turns a greenish color. 8-10 days postmortem: the body turns from green to red as blood decomposes and gases accumulate. 2+ weeks postmortem: teeth and nails fall out.

Why should we not write rip? ›

So there is no rest, hence, the concept of RIP is not valid in Hinduism. Hinduism believes in Moksha, that is liberation, liberation from the endless cycles of birth and death. That's why instead of using RIP we should say, “Om Shanti” or “Aatma Ko Sadgati Prapt Ho” (May the Soul attain Moksha), or simply "Om Sadgati".

What not to say in condolence? ›

Words of condolence to avoid: “They're in a better place.” While this phrase might seem kind at first glance, but it can be quite invalidating to feelings of the bereaved. Even if they do believe that their loved one is in a better place, it doesn't change the pain of not having them here, with them.

Is it OK to say rip? ›

Rest in peace (R.I.P.), a phrase from the Latin requiescat in pace (Ecclesiastical Latin: [rekwiˈeskat in ˈpatʃe]), is sometimes used in traditional Christian services and prayers, such as in the Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican, and Methodist denominations, to wish the soul of a decedent eternal rest and peace.

When someone dies How do you say sorry for your loss? ›

What do you say when someone dies?
  1. "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm here for you."
  2. "My condolences on your loved one's passing. May their memory bring you comfort.“
  3. “I extend my deepest sympathy to you. ...
  4. "Thinking of you, sending love and support.“
  5. "We're saddened by the news. ...
  6. "Heartfelt condolences. ...
  7. "You're not alone.
Aug 3, 2023

How do you say rip without saying rip? ›

Instead of “rest in peace,” you can say “rest peacefully,” “rest in paradise,” or “may their memory be a blessing.”Rest in peace quotes can provide comfort and solace.

Who do I tell when someone dies? ›

Tell organisations and government services about the death

local services such as libraries, electoral services and Council Tax services. HM Passport Office. the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) the Department for Work and Pensions.

How much is an Irish funeral? ›

Combining the Fanagans costs and the payments to third parties, the cost of a traditional funeral can range from €3,500 to €8,500. There is no V.A.T. added to the total funeral account.

Has RIP.ie changed? ›

If you are a regular user of RIP.ie, you will notice that we have updated our site. The objective of this update is provide you, the user, with a faster site, that is easy to navigate and that gives our advertisers increased exposure, in an appropriate way.

Where is RIP.ie based? ›

History. Jay and Dympna Coleman, based in Dundalk, County Louth, founded the RIP.ie website in 2005. The website contains a service directory, which lists funeral directors, florists and caterers. It also contains an online shop selling handwritten sympathy cards.

References

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